Thursday, May 26, 2011
Phase towards my Reminiscences.
Hari berganti hari… Masa berganti masa… Hunny menghitung hari untuk meninggalkan tempat dimana Hunny menuntut segala ilmu dan mengenal apa erti kehidupan dan realiti sebenar dunia. Specifically known as“SERI ISKANDAR,PERAK”. Sudah genap 5 tahun, Hunny di sini dan betul kata pepatah lama “Setiap pertemuan, pasti ada perpisahan…”. Dan itu sudah semestinya. Dulu, masa diploma, masa hari perpisahan, Hunny menangis teresak-esak coz sayang nak tinggalkan kawan-kawan sekolej, sekelas and especially sebilik. Tapi… kini, bila masa degree… Hunny tak dapat nak menitiskan setitis pun air mata untuk sesapa sahaja disini kerana Hunny rasa terlalu banyak kedukaan dari kebahagiaaan. Terlalu banyak kesakitan dari keselesaan. People are truth when they were saying that “L.I.V.E.=E.V.I.L.”. Memang pun. Hunny rasa makin besar dan berusia Hunny, makin jelas kekejaman dunia yang Hunny lihat.
Sehinggakan Hunny takut untuk melihat apa yang terjadi dihadapan Hunny. There is a quote that I have kept since 3 years ago, “YESTERDAY IS A HISTORY, TODAY IS A GIFT AND TOMORROW IS STILL A MYSTERY.SO APPRECIATE IT!” By looking back at this quote, I think that I not gonna believes it again. Yeah, it’s true that yesterday is a history and tomorrow is a mystery but TODAY IS A GIFT???!!! What do they mean by a damn “G.I.F.T.” words? Are the one who invented this quote is crazy enough? I don’t think I even received any gift at all each day? Does it means a GIFT=PROBLEM??? Yeah! Well, it’s damn good if you have said that a gift is equal to a damn fucking problem! So, I think it I shouldn’t hold that quote to be my life principle at all. I’m gonna use “L.I.V.E.=E.V.I.L.” coz there were so many devils around me on this land call EARTH!” Thanks to ALLAH… Alhamdulillah… Although, I have endured so much troubles and pain, ALLAH has sent me THREE BELOVED ANGELS AND GUARDIAN who is my OWN FAMILY MEMBERS!” NADEUL OMMA, APPA AND THE ONE AND ONLY DONGSAENG –Shii. Without them, I who have nothing! Without them, I’m dead! Alone here in SERI ISKANDAR.PERAK!
Alhamdullilah… Thanks to ALLAH once again for sending them to me. During the hardest time, they were the one who always been there for me. Giving full supports and even prays the BEST for me! I don’t even need anyone else LOVE for this! Just LOVE from my GOD is the most important, nadeul omma, appa, and dongsaeng! There were so many tears coming out from my unhealthy eyes. Both UNHEALTHY EYES because of something bad happen to me one year ago and I have to endure the problem till now! During my degree, I have endured so much pain rather than feeling so happy and thought it be the best memories ever! Nope! The happiness I gain during my degree is not enough to call it as the SWETEEST MEMORIES EVER! There are lots of tears and pain rather than happiness. Because of this kind of things, happen to me, makes me become numb. My heart does not even feel any LOVE at all. I have thought much on stereotype on people, I have started not to believe in people; don’t even judge a book by its cover! I HATE LOVE, COUPLE AND EVEN I CAN’T EVEN SEE THE DAMN SHIT “IN RELATIONSHIP” WORDS!
I don’t think that I am ready enough to have any relationship with anyone because of myself. I’m sorry but to say this “NAMJA BABOYEYO”. I have so much pain with LOVE! Until today, I don’t even feel enough what is LOVE towards opposite gender. For one and a half years, I have suffering the most pain in my life ever on LOVE. Then, I taught, I could open my heart to next person but I’m sorry, I can’t. I have tried but the more I’m into the relationship, the more pain I gain! I can’t even feel happiness and the feeling of sacred LOVE like before.
I have tried so hard to forget the sweetness of first love but I can’t! People have said to me “Hunny, each person is different in giving LOVE towards his girl…” but I can’t even feel the love that comes after him. My heart became so NUMB and I do not even feel the same way as I am before. What I feel after that was ANNOYED AND IRRITATING ENOUGH TO CRASH MY FRAGILE HEART!” I tried to pretend that nothing happen, tried to be strong, tried to pretend that I’m strong enough to stand but in my heart, I can’t even face the reality, I can’t even walk straight enough and stand firmly! My hearts broken into pieces as well as my brain does not even working normally. With so much pain, I’ve gain because of LOVE and the pain of reality of life and friendship; I can’t even see the world properly enough. Makes my world turns upside down, makes my pieces of soul fly away easily and makes my heart broken so fragilely. Because of that, I can’t even cry loudly and even screaming highly enough to tell everybody that I’m in pain. Enough to kill the whole world!. You know what, I feel the pain during my writing now but I can’t even cry heavily. My heart just saying that, if I cried or even scream, does anyone come and give their hand to you for favour? The answer is TOTALLY NO!!! ANDWAE!!!
Then what should I do? Should I run away and never return? Should I just end up my life just like a SNAP? Should I kill each of everyone that have irritated and annoyed me ever? Or should I just keep quiet and doing nothing while waiting what’s going to happen? Like I’ve said earlier that TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY? Ya ALLAH… I have enough of this kind of situation. I want HAPPINESS and TRUE LOVE that can give me new spirit of life, new LOVE, new perspective of LIFE, new air for breathing, new friends that does not even know the devil’s word such as BACK STABBING, SELFISH, JEALOUSY AND DOES NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT IS EVIL? Are kind of people exist or I think it would be just ANGEL can feel the same way as I have describe earlier. While writing this, I think, I have decided to keep myself SHUT! I will not interfere in anyone life even once. I do not want to get involves with people’s life, problems and even I don’t want to look back for what I have struggle with. Enough to feel the pain rather than have to endure it once again…
I think, I should stop here… I’ll write to you guys next time. Till then, take care…